Celebritard Fight Club

This is it, yo. Where no celebritard is safe! This is where the SMACK! gets laid well and truly DOWN!  Get in there and get to it. Duck and weave, bitches. Duck and weave! Oh and there’s none of that “the first rule about…” bullshit. That can happily fuck off.

I’m fighting with these celebritards and they don’t even know it yet.  Well, unless they read this or it’s somehow passed on to them. Either way, I don’t give a decroted piece of horsecrap.  Here are my completely valid and rational reasons for why I’m starting shit and with whom…

RING THE BELL!

Round One

Bam Margera

What, exactly, the fuck are you for? I hear you did some skating or some shit. Big cock sucking deal. For some reason unbeknownst to the rest of the world, myself included, MTV seems to like throwing camera’s and money at you. For what? So you can act like the spoilt bratty little fuckwit that you are while doing completely retarded ‘stunts’. Awesome. Kudos on your great success, genius.

You also happen to look a lot like my obese fucktard ex (lucky you!) and you’re idea of copying Ville Vallo’s tattoos (who is also quite shit) positively reeks of sickeningly spontaneous originality. You marauding wankstain. If you had an original idea in your head, it would explode.  Therefore I suggest you start thinking as of now.  Go!

Steve-O & Johnny Knoxville

You pricks can kindly refer to the above. I don’t like to repeat myself so read it s-l-o-w-l-y.  I’m sure someone will be willing to help you with your reading. I’m sure all the bumps on the head haven’t helped, you poor dears.  Now kindly fuck off.  Next!

George Clooney

You smugly prick. I do not find you remotely “sexy” nor do I find your eyes to be allegedly nor remotely “smouldering”.   You are average, nay, luke warm at best. You’re a smarmy arsehole and I’ve never liked any of your films, nor do I find you remotely ‘charming’ or intriguing.  Every time you open your smugly mouth, I want you to immediately shut the everloving fuck up.  You’re not funny. But you are a self important twatburger.  Just fucking stop it! You’re not fooling anybody.  I’ve asked you nicely, don’t make me ask you a second time…  I find you remarkably impertinent!

Quentin Tarantino

You’re not a genius, fuckhole. Let’s get that clear right from the get go. Your films are probably nothing more than a coke haze to you but I can safely assure you, they were to me as well.  None of it makes any iota of sense and every person on screen has to sprout the word FUCK every five seconds or perform completely unrelated random acts of violence.  Oh yeah, there’s genius in action. Wow. Just wow.

Furthermore, keep your filthy manky hands and your hideously malformed yammering head off of good Asian films. You are NOT the expert here so I suggest you back the fuck up, bitch!  No-one wants to hear your inane ranting about some random off topic bullshit (me, on the other hand, I’m as entertaining as all get out!) – like you even KNOW what you’re on about you cockguzzling speed freak! Get off my tv arsehole, no-one invited you in. You are NOT welcome!!

If you can’t already tell, Taran-fucking-tino raises my hackles and induces a rapid increase in bile production faster than the speed of sound. Now that’s effing science!

Paris ‘cunting’ Hilton

Famous for what? Whoring? And being a bung eyed, hook nosed, crackwhore, hosebag. Awesome. Good job. And everyone, like, totally believes you when you say you’ve only ever slept with two guys.  LIKE. TOTALLY. You’ve diseased up my airport and my town and the council has decided the only course of action is to evacuate the city, and surrounds so that it can be effectively decontaminated. The military have been called in and taxpayers have been asked to foot the bill. Thanks a fucking bunch you diseased up cumstain!

Now take your filthy, disease ridden cooze and get the fuck off my planet.

P.S. More jail time might have done you some favours and taught you something about the real world. Well, maybe not but the stories that would have come out about you being the little bitch to a bunch of hardcore prison ‘mothers’ would have made me laugh no end.

I’ll cease and desist the minute these pricks do. Just because they are ‘celebritards’ for no apparent reason, doesn’t make it OK.

So, which cock guzzling fuckholes have been shitting you up the wall?  Tell it in the comments. Right the fuck now!

Disclaimer:  They totally started it! And Ima finish it.

Word.